"The Pendal Model of BDSM"
Teaching the model in Oslo, Norway. Photo by Master Kenneth Uthaug
I created this model as a way of describing BDSM sexuality and presented it at the British Association for Sexual and Relationship Therapy conference in 2007 (now renamed the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists).
If you want to plot a position in three dimensional space you need to give three co-ordinates: how far across (left and right), how far up and down, and how far out of the page something is. Mathematicians would say these are the "x", "y" and "z" co-ordinates.
In my model the "x" axis is used to identify how much someone likes PHYSICAL SENSATION. So someone who scores very highly on this scale might enjoy flogging, spanking or forced exercise, for example. Whereas someone who scores a zero on this axis might be happy to stand facing a wall for half an hour, or sit at someone's boots while the boots' wearer smokes a cigar, with no physical contact at all.
The "y" axis can be used to describe how much someone enjoys going into an ALTERED HEADSPACE. Someone who scores very highly on this scale might enjoy taking on the role of a Master, Mistress, Sir, boy, slave, pony, puppy etc. - or a role play with difference characters. Whereas someone who scores zero on this scale might be very good at the physical side of kinky sex, but want to "be themselves" and have equal status with their partner.
The "z" axis can be used to describe how AGGRESSIVE OR PASSIVE you are. Someone who scores highly at this might enjoy rough scenes such as wrestling, "take downs", interrogation, confronting phobias or fear-based scenes. Someone who scores low on this scale might enjoy domestic servitude or happily doing as they are told with no resistance at all.
HOW CAN THIS MODEL HELP BDSM PLAYERS?
One of the first steps in BDSM is working out your own sexuality: discovering what turns you on. For many years I thought that submissive = passive so I used to become very still and unresponsive when being the submissive in an SM scene, thinking that that was what was required. Later when I discovered I liked more aggressive scenes I had to deal with some prejudice in our community towards "pushy bottoms". It's only recently that I've become more comfortable with where I am in this model and been able to meet like-minded people.
As a BDSM Top you need to be able to work out what turns on the people you're playing with in order to have a mutually satisfactory scene. It's no good tying someone up and leaving them alone if they need constant physical stimulation. If someone was bullied at school it's possible that they don't want to enter into a scene with someone who's dominating them, they may prefer to do the physical side of SM play as someone with equal status.
It's likely that you'll be a range of different points in this model at different times or with different play partners. You may even find you're at different points within the same scene. Someone who's very stressed might desire an aggressive scene to begin with, but after a while of playing they may relax and become more passive. I believe the more awareness you have of where you and your partner(s) are at any given time the better the scene will be.
If you want to plot a position in three dimensional space you need to give three co-ordinates: how far across (left and right), how far up and down, and how far out of the page something is. Mathematicians would say these are the "x", "y" and "z" co-ordinates.
In my model the "x" axis is used to identify how much someone likes PHYSICAL SENSATION. So someone who scores very highly on this scale might enjoy flogging, spanking or forced exercise, for example. Whereas someone who scores a zero on this axis might be happy to stand facing a wall for half an hour, or sit at someone's boots while the boots' wearer smokes a cigar, with no physical contact at all.
The "y" axis can be used to describe how much someone enjoys going into an ALTERED HEADSPACE. Someone who scores very highly on this scale might enjoy taking on the role of a Master, Mistress, Sir, boy, slave, pony, puppy etc. - or a role play with difference characters. Whereas someone who scores zero on this scale might be very good at the physical side of kinky sex, but want to "be themselves" and have equal status with their partner.
The "z" axis can be used to describe how AGGRESSIVE OR PASSIVE you are. Someone who scores highly at this might enjoy rough scenes such as wrestling, "take downs", interrogation, confronting phobias or fear-based scenes. Someone who scores low on this scale might enjoy domestic servitude or happily doing as they are told with no resistance at all.
HOW CAN THIS MODEL HELP BDSM PLAYERS?
One of the first steps in BDSM is working out your own sexuality: discovering what turns you on. For many years I thought that submissive = passive so I used to become very still and unresponsive when being the submissive in an SM scene, thinking that that was what was required. Later when I discovered I liked more aggressive scenes I had to deal with some prejudice in our community towards "pushy bottoms". It's only recently that I've become more comfortable with where I am in this model and been able to meet like-minded people.
As a BDSM Top you need to be able to work out what turns on the people you're playing with in order to have a mutually satisfactory scene. It's no good tying someone up and leaving them alone if they need constant physical stimulation. If someone was bullied at school it's possible that they don't want to enter into a scene with someone who's dominating them, they may prefer to do the physical side of SM play as someone with equal status.
It's likely that you'll be a range of different points in this model at different times or with different play partners. You may even find you're at different points within the same scene. Someone who's very stressed might desire an aggressive scene to begin with, but after a while of playing they may relax and become more passive. I believe the more awareness you have of where you and your partner(s) are at any given time the better the scene will be.
HOW CAN THIS MODEL HELP NON-SM PLAYERS?
Sometimes I'm asked to give presentations to people who have no interest in kink at all and can't understand why anyone would do it. You can use this model to help explain part of what BDSM players are experiencing.
Someone who scores highly on the "x" axis is probably enjoying an endorphin based scene. Endorphins are produced by the body in response to pain or strenuous exercise and are similar to opiates. If you flog, spank or hit someone (consensually, of course) over a period of time eventually their body will be flooded with endorphins and they'll experience a natural high. This is similar to people who attend aerobics classes, a heavy gym session or run a marathon and describe feeling "high" afterwards. It's the same endorphins at work.
Someone who scores highly on the "y" axis is enjoying an altered state of mind. The mirror of this in non-kink society would be someone who practises meditation or lies in a flotation tank in the dark to let their mind go somewhere else. For some reason mainstream society has no problem with the person who spends money to relax in a flotation tank, but if we tie someone up in a bedroom to get the same experience it's seen as perverted and degrading.
Someone who scores highly on the "z" axis is probably enjoying an adrenaline based scene. Adrenaline is a hormone produced by the body in response to fear or a sudden surprise that makes you enter "fight or flight" mode. It can give you quite a rush too. People who ride roller coasters, go to horror movies, bungee or parachute jump, or engage in extreme sports are probably enjoying an adrenaline rush too. For some reason it's okay to confront a fear at a horror movie, but not if an SM Top is helping their partner to confront a phobia in a playroom.
There are other things that SM players gain from their activities. They forge deep relationships based on trust and understanding; there is mutual satisfaction of going on a journey together, and the emotional rewards for the experience - whatever it may be.
There is also a huge importance placed on getting active consent - it is central to everything we do. Consent is not just a "yes" up front and then anything goes, it can be withdrawn by anyone at any time. That's why we use safe words and dungeon monitors in group play areas.
Finally, being kinky teaches us we can say no to anything we don't want to do sexually and no-one can make us feel bad for that. We are all different, and our differences have to be respected. As a good friend says: "you don't get to 'yuk' on someone else's 'yum'!"
UPCOMING APPEARANCES
Sun 22 Sept @ 11am-1pm PST/ 2pm-4pm EST/ 7pm-9pm Ireland and UK - Teaching a class on Autism and Kink online for Wicked Grounds (Tickets available on a sliding scale from forbiddentickets.com/events/wicked-grounds/2024-09-22-online-autism-kink)
I work full-time as a kink mentor and life coach online with English-speaking clients around the world. Please send me a message via the form below if you are interested.
If you'd like to watch some comedy I have a YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/johnpendal - including the full version of my last show "Monster" at www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsZAXNkrwII (18+ age restriction due to content)
Sun 22 Sept @ 11am-1pm PST/ 2pm-4pm EST/ 7pm-9pm Ireland and UK - Teaching a class on Autism and Kink online for Wicked Grounds (Tickets available on a sliding scale from forbiddentickets.com/events/wicked-grounds/2024-09-22-online-autism-kink)
I work full-time as a kink mentor and life coach online with English-speaking clients around the world. Please send me a message via the form below if you are interested.
If you'd like to watch some comedy I have a YouTube channel at www.youtube.com/johnpendal - including the full version of my last show "Monster" at www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsZAXNkrwII (18+ age restriction due to content)
Page updated 25 August 2024
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You are welcome to link to any page of this site but text must not be reprinted without permission from the author.
With the exception of Thriving Autistic, I have no relationship or affiliate advertising with any products, organisations or applications shared on this website. Any resources listed here are for information only and are used at your own risk.
All text on this website copyright © John Pendal 1999-2024 unless otherwise stated. All Rights Reserved.
You are welcome to link to any page of this site but text must not be reprinted without permission from the author.
With the exception of Thriving Autistic, I have no relationship or affiliate advertising with any products, organisations or applications shared on this website. Any resources listed here are for information only and are used at your own risk.
